Afraid...............

I sit in my room and think of the past ......my eyes well up. I search for somethin in some people which i know is not there but still i dont relent. I expect so much from people i am close to, that i get disappointed. Sometimes i am jealous of some people and i wish ill to them . I mark some people inferior to me and treat them badly . I always crave for attention .I am very possessive when it comes to close friends. I whine of being alone but somewhere inside i love being alone and mournin in solitude . Sometimes i am afraid of what i am . I feel i am wierd ,filled with filth . I blame everythin on the way i was brought up when i myself know that i am responsible for what i have become ......